GUEST BLOG: Breaking the Trauma Bond and Finding Your Voice
Have you ever been under someone else’s control and manipulation, and felt totally powerless and worthless?
I have. NUMEROUS times. In my personal life and my career.
I spent most of my life controlled, manipulated, told what to do, who to avoid, and that nothing I did was EVER GOOD ENOUGH.
I grew up in a toxic environment.
Chaos was my normal… and as an empath, I always easily absorbed everyone else’s feelings. From their love, to their deepest pain.
As a result, I did everything I could to ease the suffering around me, so I took on the role of the peace maker. I adjusted my own behaviour in accordance with everyone else’s mood and emotions, and I did everything in my ability to try and calm the chaos.
To me, that meant silencing my own voice, and trying really hard to rescue them from their pain.
“If I speak, I’ll amplify the chaos”, I thought.
So I began to recognise the needs of others above my own, and I soon lost all sense of who I was. Others happily dumped their responsibilities onto me, and I accepted it. I became a codependent.
And so, the pattern of entering more and more toxic environments began…
“If I just do as they say, it will keep the situation more calm”, I thought.
The more I gave, the more was expected of me. I was manipulated to believe that I was responsible for their well-being. Then, if I then questioned it, or if I didn’t do something to their liking, I got gaslighted:
“You’re supposed to be helping me Michelle, not making things harder for me!”
Made me feel inadequate.
“You’re so selfish! You don’t care about me!”
Made me feel guilty.
”Girls shouldn’t be with girls, that’s disgusting!”
Made me feel faulty.
“You are responsible for me!”
I was even told.
All these voices then soon became THE VOICES IN MY HEAD.
I beat myself down and told myself that I was WORTHLESS.
I took on the role of the abuser, and began to abuse myself.
I was a people pleaser, an over-giver, and I gaslighted myself.
I had poor boundaries, and gave without limits, all in hopes of receiving love in return.
But the truth is, all of that love that I received was conditional.
I later began to understand the meaning of Narcissism, and that they simply didn’t know HOW to love.
I gave so much of myself that I lost all sense of self. I became fearful of setting boundaries in case I’d get gaslighted or invalidated again. So to avoid it, I simply stayed silent.
These are the effects of staying in toxic environments, and of holding onto those dark secrets...
But the thing about abuse is, it’s easy to get used to. Emotional abuse was my normal. I was used to being beat down, silenced, and invalidated every single day.
“So what difference would one more month or year make?” I thought.
Can you relate?
I spent most of my life in toxic environments of all kinds. So when I finally left, it took years for the voices in my head, and the people-pleasing tendencies, to leave me.
They were so deeply INGRAINED INTO MY SUBCONSCIOUS that they became second nature.
When I finally got the right support and guidance, I broke the trauma bond, and finally FREED MYSELF.
I set my boundaries, and I started to STAND IN MY WORTH.
I chose JOY over pain, and attracted people in my life who actually FED MY SOUL. Not the energy vampires who sucked the life from it!
Surrounding ourselves with negative energy is toxic, especially for Empaths, who feel every bit of energy around them.
The energy of others shoots right into our soul!
TRAUMA BOND is not easy to break free from. This is why I am so grateful to my Coaches and Mentors for the guidance I received. This is also the reason why my life’s purpose now is to pay it forward.
I took everything I learned and turned it into teachings. I became a certified Transformational Coach, and I now help others heal too.
I am now offering my teachings to you, if you will take it.
My 1 week STEP INTO YOUR EMPOWERED SELF CHALLENGE will be taking place in October. It will include 5 Masterclasses, a one-to-one coaching session with me, and some bonuses and prizes too!
All of this will be taking place online, so that you can join from wherever you are in the world!
Tickets are at £47 GBP (USD), but use the promo code EMP2 and you’ll get £15 off.
I can’t wait to see you in the other side!
PS. You are strong! You’ve got this. I believe in you.
Michelle is a Certified Transformational Life & Mindset Coach, who has helped many sensitive souls go from burn out, to overcoming toxic environments and becoming independent and purposeful souls. Her own experience with discovering her highly sensitive trait, along with overcoming narcissistic abuse, has led her to this mission of helping others break free from the negative patterns in their lives through her coaching and support. You can connect with Michelle on her Instagram and Facebook, and on her website, michellethemindsetcoach.com.