GUEST BLOG: Surviving a Narcissistic Mother
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t wonder if my mom is looking down, shaking her head, unhappy with the work I’m doing down here.
But, if I can help just one person by being real about things, then I think she’d be okay with it.
I’m talking to all those who struggle with mama drama: the stress and anxiety caused by ones mother. She is often controlling or manipulative, and she’s a pro at somehow making you feel BAD.
The harsh truth is, my mother made me feel like shit, a lot.
I was rarely her priority, and never got that cherished number one spot. It’s no shock that I grew up thinking I wasn’t as valuable to her.
My sister came first, alcohol came second, and I came third or fourth, with sleep most likely taking third... and I’m not talking naps. She was sleeping all day on Saturday AND Sunday, while I watched TV and occasionally grabbed the iced tea mix from the pantry to snack on for breakfast.
I grew up getting mixed messages like, “I love you, but not enough to get out of bed and show up for you every day” or “I’m proud of you, but not enough to show up sober for your college graduation”... types of messages.
In classic textbook fashion, I developed TONS of insecurities that made me believe I didn’t measure up. If I did, my mom wouldn’t have done this or said that, or I would have come first, not fourth.
I used to equate my worth with her actions.
Which turned into me equating my worth with other peoples' actions. Here’s a fun example, when my boyfriend at the time wanted to go surf with his buddies for the day rather than hang out with me, I got bent. Suddenly, my brain was telling me he didn’t really love me- his friends came first and I was shit. We would fight, I would cry and hate myself some more for being “a crazy girlfriend.”
I’ve come far, but every once in a while, insecurity sneaks in and starts messing with my head. But, thankfully I’ve gotten quite good at keeping these nasty little thoughts in their place, and I can help you do it, too.
The killer of confidence for so many comes from how we were treated by our parents- things they did or didn’t do, things we heard or didn’t hear.
There are lots of mothers who ‘love” their daughters, yet tear them down in the most subtle ways- sometimes with words, sometimes without.
And then, there are the many faces of the narcissist. If your mother is a narcissist, you know all too well how someone who loves you can also crush you into a thousand pieces.
No matter its origin, this destructive culprit will always find a way to show up in your life.
And you aren’t alone. There are people who seem to have it all together, yet feel a fraction of their worth on a good day, while negative self-talk wreaks havoc in their brains.
If you could live a life free from of insecurity with a little effort on your part- would you?
What if, one by one, you were able to identify the thoughts and beliefs that make you feel bad about yourself.
I’m all about helping women feel good, regardless of what their mothers did or did not do, and I have an arsenal of tools to make that happen. Time to ditch the stories we tell ourselves like, "I’m not that lovable” or “I should be more this or more that”.
These messages MESS with our lives.
If you want to take a closer look at how your mother affects your life but you’re nervous, coaching is the way to go. The support is next level. I walk with you every step of the way, and help you deal with the aftermath of a difficult mother-daughter relationship by listening, loving, and guiding you.
Let go of the lies. You are worthy, no matter what transpired or who did it to you.
True story, pinky promise.
Born and raised in Queens, New York, Christine is a music lover, coffee addict, mother of two girls - and coaching is her super power ;). Growing up wasn’t exactly easy. She struggled a lot in her relationship with her mother, and needed more than she could give. She developed crippling insecurities that interfered with life on every level. So, she committed to working on herself and succeeded.
After a career as a school counselor for nearly a decade, a bit of a winding road led her here - to now dedicating her life to helping women understand their innate worth through her coaching.
If you have a difficult relationship with your mother and you feel less than adequate, she gets it. She can help you see the truth. Reach out and set up a complementary session with her. Give it a try. You have nothing to lose and so much to gain, yourself included.