GUEST BLOG: Turning Tragedy Into Purpose
Fourteen years, ago I became a mom for the first time. This is not a usual happy post about motherhood. This post will have all kinds of different reactions. I know that. But I will share it anyway because I have worked very hard on myself for the last year to overcome past trauma, and this post is my final check to my bravery.
I felt mostly fear and anger the day my first born entered this world. Yes, the joy of becoming a mother helped me through my entire pregnancy. The joy was the catalyst to overcome my diagnosis. Life throws all kinds of poop on you. That’s life, right?
However, we need to keep in mind that the Lord, Universe, Source Energy, whatever you wanna call it, puts us through things we can handle. We just need to learn to ask “What’s the purpose of this?," “What can I learn?,” “How can I grow?”. I know it is not easy in difficult times to find beauty in everything. However, we need to try.
Days before I found out I was pregnant, I wanted to leave my partner because I didn’t feel aligned and connected to him. There were too many red flags…and then came the news of my pregnancy. I was shocked. I thought that this child would bring some joy into my life. All I ever wanted was to have a family of my own and love my child to the fullest.
Fourteen years ago, I became a mom for the first time. But this is not a regular post. This is as raw as it gets. I know it might trigger many of you, but I have learned to find beauty in everything and to find a purpose in everything life might throw us.
We are all divinely guided, and we are here on this Earth with a purpose. I have found my purpose in tragedy. When I found out I was pregnant, it was already hard enough as my relationship had started to shatter. Then, on a regular routing blood test, I found out I was HIV positive.
Yes, ME. Me, who was born and raised Roman Catholic. Me, who was an athlete my entire life. Me, who was a late bloomer. I had sex for the first time when I was almost 20 years old (it was horrible!). Me, who wasn’t popular. Me, who never had a one-night stand in my whole entire life. Me, who never used drugs (I tried to smoke weed with my friend in my mid-twenties and felt sick as a dog). Me, who found my partner through common friends. Me, who was a successful manager in Corporate.
This news had been hard to hear, to say the least. I got stuck in this relationship because of this diagnosis. Why? Because I felt worthless. There are so many emotions that come up right
now as I write this. There are so many thoughts that go through my mind. But I am writing this post because, after being stuck in this toxic and abusive relationship, I found purpose. I found bravery. I found my voice again.
My purpose is to spread awareness. To help other women find their worth again after a devastating diagnosis and to educate people about HIV. Because people are still stuck in the 80’s when it comes to it, and that causes a huge stigma around it.
I’m here to serve. I am here to be a voice for those who haven’t found it, yet.
Ingrid is a single mom of two girls. She is originally from Italy but currently lives in the Reno-Tahoe area. Ingrid encourages women to find their worth. Empowers them to become financially independent and break free from toxic and abusive relationships. She is a truth-teller, and always speaks from the heart. She stands for more HIV awareness. She is a conscious parent, an avid interior design consultant and loves the outdoors.