• Lindsay

Not-So Desperately Seeking

Dating after divorce is vastly different than dating before marriage. You're older and hopefully much wiser. You know a little about what you want and a whole lot about what you don't want.

If you have a child from your marriage, you aren't looking to start a family (although you might want to add to it). You might be scared to death of ever getting married again (understandably so). The things you're looking for out of a relationship aren't the same as before marriage.

Where before, you might have been desperately seeking a partner, now you're not-so desperately seeking. You're okay with being alone. You may not like it, but you're okay with it.

You've had the marriage and the babies. Now, you want someone who makes you smile for no real reason, aside from the fact that they are simply being themselves, and that who they are is just what your soul desires. You don't need someone to support you financially, but you'd like to build a comfortable life together- as equals.

The physical traits aren't as important anymore. Sure, the attraction has to be there, but the personality traits are where it's at. You want to hold a conversation with someone- a real conversation. One that has you laughing or that leaves you thinking. You want someone who pushes you to be a better version of yourself. The absolute best version you can be.

Dating after divorce is all about the want- not the need. Where before marriage, you might have felt the need to settle down and have a family, now you just want someone who makes your heart happy.

Maybe you were lucky enough to find that person in your first marriage. If you did, just know how truly rare that is these days. Finding your best friend and soulmate in one is a tough thing to come by. There are so many people out there with a hidden agenda. Finding someone who is genuine, has their life together, and that you're attracted to... well, let's just say they aren't floating around the dating websites in abundance.

Dating after divorce is all about the not-so desperately seeking kind of vibe... at least for many divorcees. Most of the time, you're willing to wait for the person who lights up your soul and makes you laugh until your stomach hurts. Until then, you're okay with doing this life on your own.

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